Well, praise the Lord and pass the murder weapon. Jesus I Was Evil introduces us to Amber and Martha, two missionaries who apparently skipped a couple of pages between “love thy neighbor” and “leave a trail of fucking bodies behind you.” Writer-director Calvin Morie McCarthy takes the familiar image of smiling, wholesome evangelists knocking on doors and gleefully corrupts it, turning his women of faith into self-appointed executioners with a particularly unforgiving definition of salvation. It’s blasphemous, bloody, proudly tasteless stuff, and subtlety was clearly left somewhere back at the church potluck.
Airisa Durand and Melissa Crossland throw themselves into the madness as Amber and Martha, and the movie works best when it simply lets these two lunatics loose. They’ve decided society needs cleaning up and, armed with religious certainty and an alarming enthusiasm for violence, begin removing anyone they consider spiritually disposable. Of course, nothing screws up a good homicidal partnership quite like feelings. Enter Christian, an agnostic young man who becomes the unexpected object of Martha’s fascination and, appropriately enough, puts a little crisis into her Christianity. Suddenly the killing partners aren’t quite preaching from the same blood-spattered hymnal, and McCarthy gets plenty of mileage from watching their already fucked-up relationship begin coming apart.
Nobody is going to mistake Jesus I Was Evil for restrained theological discourse, nor should they. McCarthy is swinging for splatter, absurdity, religious hypocrisy, bad behavior, and the kind of pitch-black comedy that either earns a laugh or makes you wonder whether you should feel guilty for laughing in the first place. That’s part of its scrappy charm. This is independent horror without much interest in behaving itself, and the rough edges frequently become part of the experience. The performances are intentionally cranked up, the violence embraces excess, and the satire arrives carrying a sledgehammer instead of politely knocking at the door. When it connects, there’s something infectious about how completely the movie commits to its own sacrilegious stupidity.
Jesus I Was Evil won’t convert everybody, but converting everybody would probably defeat the whole damn purpose. This is exploitation-minded horror-comedy built for viewers who like their genre movies cheap, bloody, offensive, weird, and willing to piss somebody off before the credits roll. McCarthy takes fanaticism, repression, hypocrisy, lust, murder, and salvation, tosses them into the same collection plate, and gleefully shakes the hell out of it. The result is messy and ridiculous, but also admirably committed to being exactly the disreputable little bastard it wants to be. Repent later. Have fun now. Jesus I Was Evil begins spreading its particularly warped gospel on Tubi August 16.
MPAA Rating: Unrated.
Runtime: 83 mins
Director: Calvin Morie McCarthy
Writer: Calvin Morie McCarthy
Cast: John Branch; Melissa Crosland; Airisa Durand
Genre: Horror
Tagline:
Memorable Movie Quote: "Would you mind if we came inside"
Distributor: Wild Eye Releasing
Official Site:
Release Date: August 16, 2026
DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
Synopsis: A pair of beautiful female missionaries go on an infidel killing spree.
