Just when you thought it was safe to jingle those bells again, Santa gets a brand new bag of terror!
Writer/director James Crow’s Nightmare on 34th Street is anthology horror at its darkest. There’s no ounce of joy in this sucker, which ought to please hardcore fans of horror and piss off those audiences who want a bit of light - even the smallest of ounces - to spread some Christmas joy with. Well, it’s not here.
Things go dark and twisted here. And they don’t get any better either. That’s by design, too.
Nightmare on 34th Street is happiest when it is pointing fingers on everything that is wrong with the Christmas season. And it begins when a creepy looking Santa starts telling bedtime stories to a young kid. This mysterious Santa Claus has a bag full of unusual gifts that fit well with the psychopathic tales he tells.
While the tales - the longest running 50 minutes - vary in chills, thrills, kills, and spills, one can hardly fault Crow’s storytelling ability as he gets the twisted holiday spirit quite right, even if this holiday slasher was retooled several times before its release. Nightmare on 34th Street works to create a pretty disturbing yuletide celebration.
Starring Caroline Boulton, Lucy Pinder, Dani Thompson, Ewen MacIntosh, Andy Gatenby, and Adam Greaves-Neal, Nightmare on 34th Street has stories which revolve around Krampus, a murdering St. Nick, Christmas Caroling singers who also kill, and a failed ventriloquist who is better at killing than at operating a doll. There are a bunch more, too. 
All of these demented stories are out to kill the Christmas spirit and they just about do, especially when, combined with the low budget of the shoot, as they side with the dismal parts of Santa’s slay . . . ride. Ho! Ho! Oh, NOOOOOO!
With little humor to be found, Crow hoists Santa’s bag with an uneasiness which is hard to pull off. This is a mixed bag of brutal and ugly stocking stuffers and it’s probably too long for an anthology movie, yet it can’t be faulted for delivering the goods when it comes to the creep factor. These are some seriously messed up stories and they make sure that all through the house not a creature was stirring . . . not even a goddamn mouse.
Nightmare on 34th Street is available on Digital and VOD Platforms via Wild Eye Releasing on December 5th. Time to get jingly with it!
MPAA Rating: Unrated.
Runtime: 130 mins
Director: James Crow
Writer: James Crow
Cast: Jon Vangdal Aamaas; Jason Allen; Jake Arrowsmith
Genre: Horror
Tagline: A Film By James Crow.
Memorable Movie Quote:
Distributor: Wild Eye Releasing
Official Site:
Release Date: December 5, 2023
DVD/Blu-ray Release Date:
Synopsis: A mysterious and psychopathic Santa Claus visits a small, rural town with a bag full of unusual gifts and twisted holiday stories.
